Toulaki: Funny Picture

Showing posts with label Funny Picture. Show all posts

Sunday, April 01, 2007

F.P.: PillowMate - F.J.: Superstore - F.V.: How To Shower

Week #14
Funny Picture

Pillow Mate

Week #14
Funny Joke

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

First floor: The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor: The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor: This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor: This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on!" So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor:The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."

Week #14
Funny Video

How To Shower
Code: Download
Password: Honey
7,36 MB
or

Sunday, March 25, 2007

F.P.: Starbucks - F.J.: Paris Hilton - F.V.: Canadians

Week #13
Funny Picture

Starbucks

Week #13

Funny Joke

A lonely woman, named Paris Hilton, widowed for a decade, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

Husband Wanted!

Must be close to my age group (70's),

Must NOT beat me,

Must NOT run around on me,

and MUST still be GOOD in bed!

all applicants Please Apply in PERSON,

1445 Love Lane, Oldtown, CE, USA.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you.... you have no legs!"
The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"
Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?"

With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Week #13
Funny Video

Canadians
Code: Download
Password: Honey
2,93 MB
or

Sunday, March 18, 2007

F.P.: Alcohol - F.J.: Welfare - F.V.: Red Nose

Week #12
Funny Picture

Alcohol

Week #12

Funny Joke

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."

Week #12
Funny Video

Red Nose
Code: Download
Password: Honey
3,03 MB
or

Sunday, February 25, 2007

F.P.: My Kind Of Shot - F.J.: Eddy's Test - F.V.: Permanent

Week #09
Funny Picture

My Kind Of Shot

Week #09

Funny Joke

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Eddy what is your problem?" Eddy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

The teacher had had enough.

She took Eddy to the principal's office.

While Eddy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.

The teacher agreed.

Eddy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Eddy: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Eddy: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.

The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Eddy can go to the third-grade".

The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"

The principal and Eddy both agree.

The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Eddy, after a moment, "Legs".

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!
Eddy replied, "Pockets".

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Eddy: "Pants".

Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"

Eddy: "Coconut".

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Eddy was taking charge.

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

Eddy: "Bubblegum".

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Eddy: "Shake hands".

Teacher: "Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?"

Eddy: "Yep".

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do".

Eddy: "Tent".

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first".

Principal was looking restless and bit tense.

Eddy: "Wedding Ring".

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good".

Eddy: "Nose".

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver".

Eddy: "Arrow".

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"

Eddy: "Firetruck".

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Eddy in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."

Week #09
Funny Video

Permanent
Code: Download
Password: Honey
3,02 MB
or

Sunday, February 18, 2007

F.P.: Computer Perfume - F.J.: Cheat - F.V.: One Finger

Week #08
Funny Picture

Computer Perfume

Week #08

Funny Joke

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League,honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."

Week #08
Funny Video

One Finger
Code: http://rapidshare.com/files/17022484/0009_One_Finger.rar.html
Password: Honey
1,36 MB
or

Sunday, February 11, 2007

F.P.: Nice Panties - F.J.: Jesus - F.V.: Alien

Week #07
Funny Picture

Nice Panties

Week #07

Funny Joke

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward. "Jesus is watching you!" the voice boomed again. The frightened burglar stopped dead.
Frantically, he looked all around; in a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage with a parrot inside. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said ‘Jesus is watching me’?"
"Yes," replied the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then asked the parrot, "What’s your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That’s a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
Replied the parrot, "The same idiot who named the Doberman Jesus."

Week #07
Funny Video